Dreams vs. Reality

Hello, my name is Yokie and this is “I Can Do This All Day,” named after Earth’s Mightiest Hero, Captain America.

And you’re welcome.

On this post, I’m going heavy straight out of the box again- because I does this- and I’ll be discussing dreams vs. reality.

Not the nite-nite sleepy-time dreams. I’m talking about those big, giant, impossible dreams that everyone has as a kid; the ones that a select amount of people are brave enough to pursue.

Or stupid enough- depending who you ask.

So, recently I had to create a podcast for school (click here if you want to get more of my opinionated complaining; but instead of reading it, a deep, nasal voice will be yelling it at you). I created said podcast and have done a couple of episodes and the last one made me think about this current topic.

In that episode, I covered the concept of having a dream and putting in hard work and dedication towards a goal, and then having success be handed over to an overnight sensation instead. That got me thinking about having dreams in the first place and how some people are encouraged to pursue their dreams; some are discouraged from pursuing them; and some are exposed to two contradictory notions- both pushed towards and pulled away from pursuing their dreams.

Furthermore, at what point does it become different?

Are you still pursuing a goal that’s actually attainable? Or has it turned into a pathetic attempt of reaching for something that’s never gonna happen?

When is a dream still a dream, and when do you need to get slapped back into reality?

As people of color, as Hispanic and Latinas, as first generation Americans and children of immigrants, we are taught appreciation from birth. We learn immediately how to be grateful for the struggles of our parents and ancestors to get us where we are. It is ingrained inside of us- that constant awareness that everything we have, we owe to someone who came before us.

I recently saw an airing online of a panel with some phenomenal women that really opened my eyes to the dangerous realization that that gratitude can also be a hinderance.

As women, and people of color, it seems we have allowed that same appreciation to dampen our voice and keep us from speaking out and demanding more. When we want a seat at the table, when we raise the courage to demand that seat that we deserve and for which we’ve worked, that little voice inside says, “Just be grateful...” 

Be grateful you are even in the room.

Be grateful you are even recognized.

Be grateful you are even seen.

That appreciation serves a purpose; don’t get me wrong. It reminds us that we did not do all of this alone and that we must remain grateful for what was done and lost to get us here.

It reminds us that we are all a product of our peoples’ blood, sweat and tears. We are our ancestors’ wildest dreams.

BUT...

It comes with a price-tag.

School. Education. Career.

School. Degree. Education. 

Work. School. Job. 

School. Education. Degree.

School.

Education.

Degree.

See the pattern?

As a child of immigrants, I can attest firsthand that only two things mattered in my household: our education and our credit. 

Well, three things if you count our cleanliness...

I definitely count it now considering
I was woken up at 6am every Saturday morning
to clean the whole damn apartment...

Regardless, we are taught from birth that a degree is EVERYTHING. It is magic. It is the golden ticket that will get you everything you will ever need. So you have to get good grades. You have to study. You have to excel in school, get your education, get that degree and get a job.

What job?

Who cares?! Just get a job that pays well so that you’ll never have to worry about money.

Oh, and while you’re doing that, also make sure you take care of your credit, clean your house every damn day, always make your bed, don’t eat out ‘cause you got food at home, coño…

All of the above is taught to children of color in the best-selling self-help book, The Hispanic Guide to Not Be A Bruta; which is the successful sequel to Don’t Be The Ascerosa, Puerca & Cochina Your Mother Claims You Are; written collectively by traumatized children of Dominican immigrants everywhere.

From a very young age, there is an urgency instilled in us, a fire to move forward. But that forward push is in terms of pragmatic, realistic decision-making. You study and get good grades so that you can get into a good college. There, you study and get good grades so that you can get your degree. Then you use that degree to get a good job that pays well and you do that until you die. Then and only then will you have made your ancestors proud.

Notice that nowhere in that list of demands did I mention pursuing anything as frivolous as a dream.

Ha.
Be serious.

In our childhood, there is no room for dreaming. It’s pointless. Dreams don’t pay the bills. Things like singing and acting and dancing- they don’t make a home. Doctors do. Writers don’t build a successful career that buys you a house. Lawyers do. It doesn’t matter how much talent you have- unless you can capitalize on that by being best friends with Tom Hanks and getting a movie/record deal, it’s just a hobby.

And if you’re over the age of 25 and it hasn’t happened for you yet? Forget it, cuz it ain’t EVER gonna happen for you, so don’t even bother to dream.

Nice, right?

Now, this is obviously not every Hispanic household or every family of color or of immigrants- I won’t generalize in that way. But, this is a fairly common concept that’s shared among a lot of immigrant parents, especially those from the Caribbean.

With that said, how could a person raised with those ideas constantly being beaten into their psyches possibly know when to let go? How would they know that the dream is still reachable? Or that it’s time to move on because it’s never gonna happen?

I was lucky. See, my mother’s a realist. She is prudent, frugal and stern. Every move is calculated and every step is carefully planned.

My father however, was a dreamer. At 71, he was still trying to make his music career happen. He could sing and play multiple instruments. Did it happen? No, of course not. He was 71. But he never stopped trying, so that’s pretty crazy and impressive.

What did that create?

Two daughters- both pragmatic, both responsible and frugal and ambitious. One taller, meaner and wilder than the other; with bigger, crazier dreams.

That's me- the better dressed one, in case you can't tell...

So essentially, you can be both- dreamer and realist. Crazy and down-to-earth.

The thing is, it all comes back to that appreciation we were taught. That appreciation cannot keep us silent.

Because we deserve more.

We work for more so we deserve more.

We deserve more.

So stop letting that voice be the reason you don’t demand what’s yours. Yes, be grateful. Never stop being appreciative of all you have and all that struggled to get you here. Never stop being grateful.

But instead of a detriment, use that gratitude to fuel you.

Let it drive you towards that goal, not away from it. No matter what you were taught, it’s okay to dream as long as you work hard to achieve it. Because if anyone knows the truth about how hard you have to work to get anything in this life, it’s a person of color. We have to work twice as hard for anything, be twice as smart, twice as tough and twice as resilient. We don’t have a choice because failure is not an option.

It is not an option.

I’ll repeat that- Failure. Is. Not. An Option.

We may be far from where we were but we are nowhere near where we should be. And you may be far from your eventual goal- no matter what it is- but you are closer today than you were yesterday. It doesn’t matter if it’s a lofty dream like superstardom, or a realistic goal like your college degree. Keep going until you can’t go anymore, whether you’ve gotten it or not.

Because you may be in the room, but you deserve a seat at the table.

Hell, you deserve the whole table.

So go get it.

As long as you work your ass off, it will never be just a pathetic attempt of reaching for something that’s never gonna happen.

I’m gonna leave you with this because I’m feeling particularly inspirational right now:

Modern Family's Cam 💝

So, that’s it for today because now I have to get back to pretending to work at work. Feel free to share this, should you so choose to spread the confusion. You can always check out my website, yokairytavarez.com, for insight into this disaster of a mind of mine. And be sure to check back in periodically for posts on everything from writing novels and raising kids to film, theatre and politics; with a whole lot of nonsense in between.

Next time, I’ll be discussing the case against the case against television (that’s not a typo) and why people that call it an “idiot box” are intellectually stunted assholes.

Or something like that.

Thanks for reading. And as always, a million thanks to The City of Cleveland, Ohio, for making all of this possible.

Peace, yo. ✌